sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
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