I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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