He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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