I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
