I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Randomize
