my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
