I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
