If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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