and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
