Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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