Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
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