Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize