Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
He's on the porch naked. Help.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
