Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
