the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
