I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
