I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
