Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
