Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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