It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
