I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
