I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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