Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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