the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
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Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
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YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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