apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
