My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize