Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
