i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I'm like, not good at living.
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