I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
