His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
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You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
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You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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