I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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