I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
