Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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