Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
