oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
