He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
