We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
