oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
