"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
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