Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
