She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
