I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
