were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
