Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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