I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Randomize
