I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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