is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
