cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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