And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
