you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
