She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
