If i come over, it means nothing
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
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