We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Randomize
