She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize