all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
