I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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