Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize