So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
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I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
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Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize