I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Randomize
