it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
