she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
