He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I have tasted many bathrooms
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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