guys are not supposed to queef...right?
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
