ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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