Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
