My hand turned me down
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Randomize
