I molested 6 butterflies tonight
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
