sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize