babies were throwing up all over the place
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Randomize
