The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
