So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
