seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
