I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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