oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
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