I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
