All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just invented taco cereal.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize