he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
