Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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