i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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