I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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