I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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