She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
you inspire me to be a worse person
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Randomize
