Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
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It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
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When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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